i wasn’t played… just missed

I texted him since he wasn’t texting or making any effort to contact me after we met. I was really thinking about the things he were saying and I was too curious if he can really be man enough to work on those things. It made me excited though… Anticipating the time that we’ll see each other again to talk and catch up with the things we did at the time we spent apart. He texted last night saying that he got sick and he is still not feeling well. I checked if he was okay and if he got his meds and vits since that’s what he needs. He did and he said he missed me and that he was sorry for not texting. The funny part there is that I really have to pretend that I didn’t miss him, when in fact, I did. I was so curious and almost frustrated with how things were going when I saw 1 missed call in my cell after lunch. He called and I failed to answer it. After checking if he was still awake, I called him. He woke up and decided to call me. He wasn’t doing anything and was just trying to get some sleep again. It was nice to hear his voice and I was happy that he tried to call me. He said he missed him and I said I missed him too. (I did miss him. So funny.) Then he said why was I whispering and he would actually shout it out for me just to know that he missed me. I wasn’t ready for that though. He can shout it out but I can’t yet. And by the way, I didn’t ask him to… I am not going to ask him for anything… yet. I don’t think that I should be doing that for now. There’s no reason to ask him for anything. He should do things the way he wants it done because he wants it done.

I am happy, but not happy-happy… I think, a little bit more should be enough… a bit more. Then again, you’ll never know. Just want to see him again. I miss him too…

played :(

I dated this guy from well not-so-long-ago and it was great. He was great as usual and I guess, I was different from how he remembered me. I was hyper and talkative and crazy and was very mindful of what he’s saying and it caught up to me. Now, I am thinking about him. And I believe that’s what he wants, because he wants me to miss him… (no clue why since I already knew from then that I’m not going to hear from him again-gut feel).

But even so, now I think of him and the worst part is, I expect things. Things and topics he brought up when we were together and that sucks! I knew better than this or so I thought I did. But I can’t be like this. I love myself more and I should take care of myself. I know I can. I can block him out. But if he pops up again, will I be able to block him out, AGAIN? I am crazy and I refuse to say I am desperate. I just don’t want to be played around.

I was just played… No more explanations needed.

love? clueless…!??

A friend of mine talked to me and broke into tears while telling me her heart problems.  She was crying her heart out yet she never spoke ill of who broke her heart.  Her story is like my story.  Not seriously committed but just so deeply inlove. 

Mine broke apart because of priority issues but hers was a different story.  The person she loved the most seems to be still-in-a relationship with his supposedly ex-girlfriend.  This was something that broke my heart too.  It pains me to see how hurt my friend is.  She is not new with the pain and the hurting part when it comes to love but I know that this situation is really NEW to her.  It hurt her more than ever, I even felt that she’s going to break down.  Nobody has the right to treat her like this.  Or any girl for that matter.  She kept on asking if she did something wrong since when she asked him this.  He replied that the only thing she did wrong was to love him. 

Is it really wrong to love someone?  Even if he said that he loves you too?  Even if your expectations are far from it’s peak because of different culture, belief and background?  Then if it’s wrong, how can we make it right?

Is it really better to end the relationship knowing that you’re partner can’t love you enough rather than finding out that you’re nothing but a mistress in someone else’s relationship?  I don’t know what to say.  I was dumbfounded with the statement she uttered knowing that it is not better but it’s not worse either.  We have our own difficulties and pains.  No need to measure it up or compare it with someone else’s miseries.  What I’ve learned though through her is that if you love the person, you never stop loving and caring until you do.  Don’t stop caring until not a single drop is left.  Love yourself by not depriving to love and to feel pain and to feel hurt and to be lost and to think and to cry.  I understood that controlling you’re emotions are bad.  It just makes you think longer, it makes you think you can do this… NOW! and it makes you crave more for what you think you no longer have and find what it is you’re trying to hide from.  Be free from everything else because loving has no conditions.  There shouldn’t be anything attached to it but your heart and your will to fight and survive it all throughout.

i love me more (part 2)

And so, before the confusing part of my Sunday night welcomed me, i was in a very partyee stage. i was with my friends and colleagues who are enjoying our pre-halloween, awarding and free flowing beer party ever… it’s been a long time since i last attended a party and i was very eager and happy to dress up for it… after all, i have the clothes. and so i went to ventus to pick up my friend and some more friends… and we went partying all night until i needed to leave for my unexpected date… hahaha… it was exciting and fun and i don’t want to miss any of it! i was happy to be out again, to be with old and new friends and to really have fun… i miss this… and im loving it!!! til the next party… hahaha

how?

How do you really get over one person? and does by getting over mean that you don’t love him anymore? or is it just our minds playing with our hearts? or is it the other way around?

I met a friend of mine last Sunday night and it somehow confused me… He was almost more than a friend before but things happened. And now, our paths crossed again.  He is one of the sweetest person you’ll know. He’s bright and smart and actually, I am glad to see him again.  So what’s bothering me huh? Well, you see, not so long ago I have to break off something with someone who can’t be with me. Sad part there is not because he really can’t but because he chooses not to. Anyway, getting over someone is really tough and although I thought I was doing really good, I might’ve thought wrong. Maybe.

I just don’t want to jump into something that I’m not sure of. Afraid, if you permit me to use the word. Crazy enough to entertain the ‘dating’ idea again with all these things confusing me but I want to be a part of anything. Of anyone who’s willing to share his life with me. But the question remains… How do I get over my past before getting on another rollercoaster ride?

How do I keep my head straight, my mind focused and my heart in it’s normal beating.